Letting Go
What if we create and maintain problems in our life because it provides us with a sense of identity and comfort? For example, the way we hold onto the pain of a break up because that’s the only thing we have left of the relationship, or staying angry at someone for something he did because that’s the only means of having a semblance of control in the situation, or worrying about an unknown in the future as an attempt to have some say over how it plays out. These fixations give us an illusion of power and control and perhaps even contributes to our sense of self. Life is far from simple, and we do a very good job of making it more complicated by creating even more problems for ourselves. If we could learn to simplify our life by simplifying our thinking and thus our behavior, we would be a lot happier in the long run.
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If we work on creating an identity for ourselves that is irrelevant to external factors and issues, we would find ourselves living less in the past or worrying about the future. Focusing on how you can be the best person you can be today, this week, will give you a new and improved sense of empowerment. By letting go of expectations of shoulds, woulds, and coulds, and focusing on the right here and right now, we can live each day more fully and be open to more positive things in the future. This process starts by letting go of the things that no longer serve you.
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The power and sense of identity that we get from holding onto things is born out of perhaps feeling like you’re right and someone or something else is wrong, additionally, maybe playing the victim role feels nice because you get others’ attention, love, and support, and maybe you’re even enjoying the pity party that’s happening inside your own head, and finally, staying in an uncomfortable feeling is uncomfortable, but it’s familiar and safe, allowing you to avoid venturing into unknown territory. While all those are nice temporarily, they hold you back from reaching your ideal goal: a happier, simpler life.
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The process of letting things go starts by getting rid of your frustrations with yourself and your life. Talking and/or crying something out can be very cathartic and healing. Processing why you’re holding onto something and unable to move past it can help you gain the insight you need to then shelve it and not allow it to identify you anymore. Once you’ve figured out why you stayed in an abusive relationship you can begin the healing process and no longer be “the person who was in an abusive relationship.”
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Channeling your irritation and/or pain into a positive productive action is also helpful in getting rid of a frustration. Whether you decide to volunteer and help others, or you just take care of something personal for yourself that you’ve been putting off for awhile, it’s a good way to not let a frustrating situation hold you back, rather allowing it to drive you forward. By doing this you’re focusing your frustration on something that you can control rather than allowing it to control you.
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Express your frustration via whatever creative outlet you have. Whether you journal, paint, write music, video blog, etc., this is a visual manifestation of your feelings, a physical reminder that you’ve officially off-loaded the frustration and it no longer needs to live rent free in your head.
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Letting go of anger with yourself and others is another step in simplifying your life. Feel it fully, taking the time to understand where the anger is coming from. Rant about it in a safe place (to a friend, mentor, therapist, or via journaling or the like). Take responsibility for your part of the situation, being honest about what part your actions played. If possible, have a non confrontational conversation with the offender about your feelings. Remember that you cannot control how the other party reacts, but you do have control over how you express yourself in a mature composed way. Try to understand the other person’s perspective; we all make mistakes and appreciate others’ understanding, compassion, and forgiveness. Recognize that holding onto anger hurts you more than it hurts the person you are upset at. Make a conscious choice to let things go because you are seeking happiness.
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Practice stress management to cope with, reduce, and not allow everyday stress to build up. Use deep breathing techniques to clear your head and elicit a real physiological relaxation response within your body. The endorphins released by physical exercise is another great way to make you feel good and relieve stress. Challenge negative thoughts and replace them with more positive self-talk. Recognize that worrying is an exercise in futility; it doesn’t change the outcome, but it sure takes up a lot of headspace. If you’re having a hard time with this one, speak to someone who can help you figure out how to do this more effectively. Make lists, organize, and prioritize your tasks by breaking them down into smaller manageable pieces. Having an operable plan often makes you feel better.
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Once you are able to let go of anger, anxiety, and stress, you open yourself up to receiving more positive things in the future. You can create and maintain a self identity that emanates from a more positive internal place that is then more impervious to external factors.
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This post was written by Rivka Rochkind, LCPC
The Role of Mindfulness Based Practices in Substance Abuse Treatment
Traditionally several modalities have been used either separately or in conjunction for treating chemical dependency and process addictions. These include 12 Step oriented interventions (which support the utilization of the 12 Step program as used by Alcoholics Anonymous and like fellowships, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and Motivational Enhancement Therapy.
More recently clinicians have been adding mindfulness practices to their repertoire of interventions. Several new mindfulness based interventions have gained popularity with professional clinicians, including Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), and Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT). These approaches borrow from age old Buddhist based practices. While their origins lie in Buddhism, these practices have been deemed effective enough to utilize in clinical practices without there being a need to espouse a religious philosophy making it all inclusive.
The idea behind mindfulness meditation is to observe the present moment by paying attention to the breath and body, as well as thoughts and emotions. People with challenges related to addiction tend to act out on addictive behaviors to avoid uncomfortable feelings and to bring pleasure. The basic text of Alcoholics Anonymous states, Men and women drink essentially because they like the affect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity (Https://silkworth.net/bb/doctorsopinion.html) So they attempt to escape the present moment because they feel restless, irritable, bored and unsatisfied. Mindfulness practices help the client to learn to face the present movement with all of its pleasant and unpleasant sensations, feelings and thoughts. It has been said that when we name the dragon, the dragon loses its power. By facing and observing these experiences in a more objective way. Mindfulness practices actually enhance other therapies like Cognitive Behavioral therapy, because it gives the client a chance to change their perceptions into something more objective and realistic, and improve emotional health as a result.
Mindfulness practices also aid 12 Step practices, which include taking inventory of one’s thoughts and actions, and spiritual practices such as meditation. We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves. (Https://silkworth.net/bb/intoaction.html)
A lot of research has been done on the effectiveness of using these techniques in clinical settings. For more information on this subject, please refer to the bibliography listed below:
Alterman, A. I., Koppenhaver, J. M., Mulholland, E., Ladden, L. J., & Baime, M. J. (2004). Pilot trial of effectiveness of mindfulness meditation for substance abuse patients. Journal of Substance Use, 9(6), 259-268.
Amaro, H., Magno-Gatmaytan, C., Meléndez, M., Cortés, D. E., Arevalo, S., & Margolin, A. (2010). Addiction treatment intervention: An uncontrolled prospective pilot study of spiritual self-schema therapy with Latina women. Substance Abuse, 31(2), 117-125.
Brewer, J. A., Bowen, S., Smith, J. T., Marlatt, G. A., & Potenza, M. N. (2010). Mindfulness-Based treatments for co-occurring depression and substance use disorders: What can we learn from the brain? Addiction.
Brewer, J. A., Elwafi, H. M., & Davis, J. H. (2012). Craving to quit: Psychological models and neurobiological mechanisms of mindfulness training as treatment for addictions. Psychology of Addictive Behaviors.
Britton, W. B., Bootzin, R. R., Cousins, J. C., Hasler, B. P., Peck, T., & Shapiro, S. L. (2010). The contribution of mindfulness practice to a multicomponent behavioral sleep intervention following substance abuse treatment in adolescents: A treatment-development study. Substance Abuse, 31(2), 86-97.
Eisenlohr-Moul, T. A., Walsh, E. C., Charnigo, R. J., Lynam, D. R., & Baer, R. A. (2012). The what and the how of dispositional mindfulness: Using interactions among subscales of the fiveNfacet mindfulness questionnaire to understand its relation to substance use. Assessment. Https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22589412
Garland, E. L., Gaylord, S. A., Boettiger, C. A., & Howard, M. O. (2010). Mindfulness training modifies cognitive, affective, and physiological mechanisms implicated in alcohol dependence: Results of a randomized controlled pilot trial. Journal of Psychoactive Drugs, 42(2).
Liehr, P., Marcus, M. T., Carroll, D., Granmayeh, L. K., Cron, S. G., & Pennebaker, J. W. (2010). Linguistic analysis to assess the effect of a mindfulness intervention on self-change for adults in substance use recovery. Substance Abuse, 31(2), 79-85. Marcus, M. T., Fine, M., Kouzekanani, K., Mindfulness-Based Meditation in a Therapeutic Community, Journal of Substance Use , 5, 305-311, 2001.
Marcus, M.T., Fine, M., Moeller, F. G., Khan, M.M., Pitt, K., Liehr, P., Changes in stress levels following mindfulness-based stress reduction in a therapeutic community, Addictive Disorders and Their Treatment, 2: 63-68. 2003.
Marlatt, G. A., Witkiewitz, K., Dillworth, T. M., Bowen, S. W., Parks, G. A., Macpherson, L. M., et al. (2004). Vipassana meditation as a treatment for alcohol and drug use disorders.
Smout, M. F., Longo, M., Harrison, S., Minniti, R., Wickes, W., & White, J. M. (2010). Psychosocial treatment for methamphetamine use disorders: A preliminary randomized controlled trial of cognitive behavior therapy and acceptance and commitment therapy. Substance Abuse, 31(2), 98-107.
Treloar, C., Laybutt, B., & Carruthers, S. (2010). Using mindfulness to develop health education strategies for blood borne virus prevention in injecting drug use. Drugs: Education, Prevention, and Policy, 11-18.
Zgierska, A. & Marcus, M. T. (2010). Mindfulness-Based therapies for substance use disorders: Part 2. Substance Abuse, 31(2), 77-78.
Zgierska, A., Rabago, D., Zuelsdroff, M., et al. (2008). Mindfulness meditation for alcohol relapse prevention: A feasibility pilot study. Journal of Addiction Medicine, 2(3), 165- 173.
This post was written by Eric Millman, LCPC